A friend of mine recently posted a note in Facebook which questioned whether or not getting married and having kids mean that you will lose all your friends, leading to a bleak, lonely life... My response is as follows:
It is possible to lose a few people from your social circle, but friends will change with you or at least accommodate your new situation in life. Getting married means you have chosen to spend and share your life with someone you love - your best friend, I hope. You spend more time with one another, but you still make time for your other friends. When you have kids, you spend more time with your family because by choice you have decided to have and love them above all else, but you still make time for your other friends. Just as you need your friends - particularly your girl friends - to be there for you to help you de-stress after busy weeks at work, you need these same people to help you relax when family demands result in built-up stress.
Believe it or not, since having Abigail, my friends have increased. It makes sense....as your life changes, you start bonding with people in a similar life situation. When you graduate and begin working you start to make friends with your colleagues. When you become a wife, you start connecting with married folks. So, when you have kids, you start connecting with other mothers. And guess what? You DON'T lose your old friends. The ones you still want to hang out with, you just do so. If maintaining their friendship requires you to do FUN activities that do not include the child, either your so-called friends can not accept you and the choice you made to have children OR you were not ready to have the child. In all cases when the latter is true, I strongly believe that the adults need to do everyone (in particular the child) a favor and think twice before getting pregnant.
Oh, lastly, raising kids can not just be you and your husband, unless you are a rare breed that knows instinctively ALL there is to know about parenting. Ever heard of "it takes a village to raise a child?" It's absolutely true. And you'll find that you will leverage all aspects of friendship - their ability to cheer you up and make you laugh, to allow you to let loose and be goofy, to offer you good advice, to help you out in times of need, etc. - and these friends become your support, your people, your village. So, quite frankly, I don't see how it's possible to lose friends when they become so important when you have a family.
It is possible to lose a few people from your social circle, but friends will change with you or at least accommodate your new situation in life. Getting married means you have chosen to spend and share your life with someone you love - your best friend, I hope. You spend more time with one another, but you still make time for your other friends. When you have kids, you spend more time with your family because by choice you have decided to have and love them above all else, but you still make time for your other friends. Just as you need your friends - particularly your girl friends - to be there for you to help you de-stress after busy weeks at work, you need these same people to help you relax when family demands result in built-up stress.
Believe it or not, since having Abigail, my friends have increased. It makes sense....as your life changes, you start bonding with people in a similar life situation. When you graduate and begin working you start to make friends with your colleagues. When you become a wife, you start connecting with married folks. So, when you have kids, you start connecting with other mothers. And guess what? You DON'T lose your old friends. The ones you still want to hang out with, you just do so. If maintaining their friendship requires you to do FUN activities that do not include the child, either your so-called friends can not accept you and the choice you made to have children OR you were not ready to have the child. In all cases when the latter is true, I strongly believe that the adults need to do everyone (in particular the child) a favor and think twice before getting pregnant.
Oh, lastly, raising kids can not just be you and your husband, unless you are a rare breed that knows instinctively ALL there is to know about parenting. Ever heard of "it takes a village to raise a child?" It's absolutely true. And you'll find that you will leverage all aspects of friendship - their ability to cheer you up and make you laugh, to allow you to let loose and be goofy, to offer you good advice, to help you out in times of need, etc. - and these friends become your support, your people, your village. So, quite frankly, I don't see how it's possible to lose friends when they become so important when you have a family.
Comments (0)